Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
