we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
