i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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