She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
