Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
