Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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