Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
