No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
