I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
