fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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