I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
