I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I need to wash the frat house off of me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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