I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
