GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
