true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
