Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
