yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
