Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
