Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
