His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
