omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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