I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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