thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
