so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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