Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
