careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
