So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
