I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
