You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
