OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
