Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
