if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
