He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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