Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
