Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
