I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
