During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Randomize
