If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's never too late to be topless.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
