there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
