we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
