Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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