well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
