it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
