you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
