Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
