now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
