we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
