you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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