The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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