i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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